Childhood

Childhood. What do you think of when you hear, see or think of the word childhood? When I hear, see or think of the word childhood, I think of innocence, cute, absent-minded, having a fun time and many more that have yet to escape my mind/thoughts. How is it possible that when we were a child, life seems so much easier? I guess it's obvious that I miss being a little girl... I also miss being the little girl who doesn't have to worry about a thing in the world because everyone makes the decision for her, that little girl who is always, ever so happy, that little girl who...I'm not gonna continue...but I guess growing up (to me that is) means being more mature, being able to make better decision and know what your doing, being able to see a bit further than when you were as a child and getting to know the world a bit better. I guess I just have to wait and see what the future brings for me. What will happen in the future? Will I still be that little girl at heart? Will I still be the same person I've always been or will I change into some monster? What will the future bring me? There is so many questions that I want to ask myself (and god), but I guess now is not the time, or maybe I just have to wait and see. I suppose I'll be able to discover the answer by myself or with the help of others one day... until then, I just have to stick with the present for now but my past as a little girl will always stay in my heart. My past will always remain behind. My past will always be in the past and it will stay in the past forever...

Trap...

Yet once again, I am trap in a world that I cannot escape. I wish I could say that I know where the exit is but I am afraid I can't. Why? Well because I am lost, I don't know what to do. I guess I could say that I am happy that my family is helping me with what I'm going though right now. But I feel like I have been put under so much pressure and I want it to stop right NOW but not until my grades are back up I suppose or when education is over for me. I'm tired of myself for being so dumb all the time. Why can I not have the ability to know what I'm doing instead of stressing out all the time? To be able to have confident in my work? To be able to know that the answers to the questions I do, are correct? To be smart like everyone else? To be able to walk into the class room for my exam/test and know what I'm doing and know what the answers to those questions? I wish I could say that I know the answers to those question but I don't. I wish I could say that I could walk into a world knowing everything there is to know...but I don't think that's ever going to happen...
I feel that I have disappointed my family yet once again but there is nothing I can do about it, I don't have the ability to travel back in time, wish I could though, things will have been so much better and everyone will be more relaxed... or better yet, travel into the future...
But with the help and support of my be-loving family, I know that one day, I will be able to overcome everything and finally, to be able to find the right exit and escape this unknown world and back into the happy world where I grew up when I was a little girl.

Freedom

So what is freedom?
Well according to google, freedom = the condition of being free; the power to act or speak or think without externally imposed restraints. Well, my definition of freedom is being able to do whatever you want with your life and without being told of or getting told what to do.
Sometimes I just feel like...I'm trap in a world that I have yet to explore and being constantly told what to do in/with my life with no objections...perhaps...like a prisoner or a slave? Maybe that's the best way to describe it... All I just want is a little freedom where I can be left alone and do what ever my heart desires to do. Like my studies/education for instance. I know I'm not the brightest and fail to fulfill my parents wishes but I am tired of being told what to do 24/7 and I just want it to stop. I always ask myself, can I just do whatever I want to do? Just once? I'm tired of keeping all these feelings/emotions to myself but I have no other choice except keeping it to myself and away from others that I am afraid to tell... I guess the last two days (although I may not show it) has been horrible for me and today has definitely been a lot better but I cannot say or dare to predict that this will last forever (perhaps tomorrow may be another day of hell?) as I know that there are many more bumps during my journey of life...
I can't wait for all of these to end, I can't wait for the day where I can finally receive 'freedom'...

Life in Genral...

Life is truly a miracle. It is the most wonderful thing that could ever happen on earth. Yes there is some ups and down and there could even be some unfairness during your journey. But that is life and there is nothing we can change about it. People you meet along the way and support you no matter what and respect you in any way, then they are truly your friend and will not hurt you no matter what. Those that back stab you or try to hurt you and disrespect you, then...they don't deserve to be called, 'friend' because everyone including you deserve a better friendship/friend.
Family is something that everyone has. It is something that you cannot buy or sell. They will always be here and support you on your journey of life. Family is possibly one of the most precious thing to happen on earth because without a family, there will be no you and you will not exist. To me, I can never stay mad at my family because I love them through thick and thin no matter what.
I guess what I really want to say is that, I'm glad my mum is alright now. I love you forever and ever Mum ♥

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Live and forget, live and forgive. All these things together, makes up this wonderful world in which we call earth, home ♥

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If you love something let it go,
If it comes back to you its yours,
If it doesn't, it never was.
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Live, Life, Love, Trust...
♥